Monday, June 24, 2013
Operation hibernation
All our bubbas are well again and at home under the same roof, and we have embarked on what I like to call operation hibernation. Or more accurately, operation isolation.
For the next eight weeks or so (!), until the weather gets a little warmer, the winter germs less aggressive and the babies are bigger and stronger, we are staying indoors and feeding, feeding, feeding (the babies that is, not just my face with yummy hot chocolate). That means not going out to see friends or family, not going to birthday parties, not venturing to the shops. And only taking walks with the twins in the pram at midday when it's warm and they are safely snuggled under a pile of blankies.
We're also keeping Lilia at home for a few weeks so she doesn't bring back any bugs from preschool.
All of this is as fun as it sounds. But when you've sat next to a baby in NICU, you don't care what you have to do to try and never go back there again.
So while I feel that the world is passing me by and that I've really and truly checked out of life, something I've discovered about myself over the past few crazy weeks is that I need projects, lists and tasks to keep me busy and active and my mind off of things. It's just my coping mechanism.
I'm going to throw myself into organising our photographs from the past few years and create some photo books, an activity that is likely to keep me busy for a long time in cold dark winter evenings.
Other plans include eating copious amounts of soup, pasta and chocolate, hanging around in my slippers and drinking some good red wine.
And then I'm going to plan my spring cleaning and dream of the long summer days and happy chubby babies that lie ahead. Wish me luck.
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Bittersweet - on 2 months
I'm very torn about whether to write about more personal things on this blog, or whether to keep it an arms-length, "oh look at this lovely website I discovered."
Please bear with me as this might become a rambling mess.
The idea for this post was given to me by a friend, as we were recently standing in my entrance hall, surrounded by nappies that hadn't quite found their way to the bin, a crying toddler, and me with one foot out the door trying to rush off to see my babies at the hospital.
She told me about Shauna Niequist's book Bittersweet - a book that discusses that "the bitter in life is what makes us strong, what forces us to push through," while "sweet is nice enough, bittersweet is beautiful, nuanced, full of depth and complexity."
This is an honest account of my experience as a mom over the past two months. Bittersweet is the ideal word to describe my frame of mind, and perhaps my life, in the past little while.
My babies are in the neonatal intensive care unit of the hospital where they were born.
My smaller twin became ill with NEC when he was 2 days old. Driving away from that hospital and leaving my baby there was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do in my life - it was gut-renching, like physically leaving a piece of myself behind.
After 25 days he came home after making a full recovery. But three and a half weeks later, where we had all been together under one roof, both twins developed pneumonia and had to get readmitted. As someone who prides herself on keeping it together in front of others, standing in that paediatrician's office and being told that they were going into hospital, I came close to full-on meltdown.
Now it's been 11 nights, and 12 days, of constant hand washing, beeping monitors, physiotherapy, doctor's terminology, drip lines and nasogastric tubes, not being able to hold my newborns, antibiotics and borrowed clothes as well as some heartstoppingly scary moments that knock the wind right out of your solar plexis. They are both getting better and are moving in the right direction.
And I can honestly and truthfully say that we are among the lucky ones.
We are lucky. And blessed.
After a pregnancy during which I constantly struggled with the idea of twins - Why me? How was I going to cope? This was not our plan, I finally know that I am blessed.
Happy 2 months M+G.
Please bear with me as this might become a rambling mess.
The idea for this post was given to me by a friend, as we were recently standing in my entrance hall, surrounded by nappies that hadn't quite found their way to the bin, a crying toddler, and me with one foot out the door trying to rush off to see my babies at the hospital.
She told me about Shauna Niequist's book Bittersweet - a book that discusses that "the bitter in life is what makes us strong, what forces us to push through," while "sweet is nice enough, bittersweet is beautiful, nuanced, full of depth and complexity."
This is an honest account of my experience as a mom over the past two months. Bittersweet is the ideal word to describe my frame of mind, and perhaps my life, in the past little while.
My babies are in the neonatal intensive care unit of the hospital where they were born.
My smaller twin became ill with NEC when he was 2 days old. Driving away from that hospital and leaving my baby there was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do in my life - it was gut-renching, like physically leaving a piece of myself behind.
After 25 days he came home after making a full recovery. But three and a half weeks later, where we had all been together under one roof, both twins developed pneumonia and had to get readmitted. As someone who prides herself on keeping it together in front of others, standing in that paediatrician's office and being told that they were going into hospital, I came close to full-on meltdown.
Now it's been 11 nights, and 12 days, of constant hand washing, beeping monitors, physiotherapy, doctor's terminology, drip lines and nasogastric tubes, not being able to hold my newborns, antibiotics and borrowed clothes as well as some heartstoppingly scary moments that knock the wind right out of your solar plexis. They are both getting better and are moving in the right direction.
And I can honestly and truthfully say that we are among the lucky ones.
We are lucky. And blessed.
After a pregnancy during which I constantly struggled with the idea of twins - Why me? How was I going to cope? This was not our plan, I finally know that I am blessed.
Happy 2 months M+G.
Latest obsession: macaroon
I am absolutely and utterly obsessed with macaroon stationery.
After seeing a friend's personlised gift tags from the store, I looked up their website and guess what - they are based in South Africa! I have always looked on with longing at all the personliised stationery and sticker labels that are available in the States on Etsy and have never before come across someone who offers the same service locally.
So, for a start, I have ordered these contact cards, these gift tags from the du Plessis family, and these sticky labels to put on kids' birthday prezzies from Lilia, Michael and Grace.
As I said, that's just for a start...
I'm also eyeing some vinyl labels for my medicine cabinet and for all the toys that seem to multiply while I sleep at night...
I will also be giving personalised note cards as birthday presents to all those impossible-to-shop-for-people in my life (hello mother-in-law).
Macaroon, I love you.
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